But our Father is the Father that happens to love me so much and he kept nudging me to Trust in Him and to Love Him..... Yet, I kept on telling Him that I don't know how to do that!!!! and I can't do it any more and I just wanna die and never have to deal with the pain anymore!!! I am so sick and tired of living my life!!!! I hates my life so much!!!!! I hate/love the God that I served!!!!!